I WANT MY LIFE BACK

And not just what I thought was my life before brain tumors but me....Kelly. I'm so tired all the time and I just want to be the lively energetic me. I'm tired of staying strong for everyone else and keeping a "happy face" for people and then when I need that fricken shoulder I don't get it.
What about me????
4 years ago next month my mom past away. This time of year already sucks for me. Not to mention the fact that I'm trying my damnedest to keep a happy face for my kids and everything just keeps falling on me like an avalanche. I'm so tired all the time. All I want to do is sleep. I can't blame everything on my tumors, I know, but I wish that just once something could come easy. One time, we could wake up and not have to worry about bills, broken washer, school clothes, electric bills, medical insurance, prescriptions, groceries, colds, LIFE. How strong does one person need to be before they just say stop and throw in the towel? When do I say when?
I don't like to complain. I really don't. I'm just tired. I'm tired of not being listened to. I'm tired of being put on the back burner and I'm tired of having something wrong with me. God needs to give this disease to someone who has the money to fight it. This is truly going to tear my family apart.

So, what prompted all of my negativity???? A bad dream, horrible, I saw my own death. And then all I could think about was my medical insurance ending and no way to get new insurance. I woke up in a cold sweat crying when I saw my kids crying.
I hate this!!!!! I hate this NF2.... I hate the FUCKING brain tumors and if I could have my way they could go somewhere else cause they sure aren't welcome here anymore........