Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Today I have a meeting with my Guys! If I refer to them as that then I'm not so nervous. I still have to get Timmy ready and Matthew is still sick. I'm still not sleeping. I'm really not sure how I'm surviving on 2-4 hours of sleep a night. How does anyone survive on this. Sleeping medications don't work. Did they take a chunk of brain out of my head that allows me to sleep. I don't know.
I have been running over so much in my head lately. I don't even know where to begin. You know I write on here because I feel like it's my outlet. I have to let it out somewhere. I am losing my medical but I am trying to get on OHP. Pray for that. I am trying to act as normal as possible so that I am no longer an embarrassment. I'm trying to return to the work force to get some money into the house. I'm feeling like a failure but at the same time I'm taking so many pills for pain for my headaches that I'm sure to have an ulcer soon. On a lighter note, I have everyone believing I'm normal again. I guess if this is all it takes than that's what I have to do. It was too much for them to take that something was actually wrong with me. Never mind the fact that I forget things I blank out. I'm getting pretty good at playing it off.
All I need to do is work my ass off and save as much as I can for my boys. As long as I know that they are taken care of I will be fine. That is my only goal. Everything else is secondary. Everything can wait.
So, I promised someone pretty cool that reads this that I would post pictures of my boys receiving their models. Here they are.

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