I've been having a lot of panic attacks lately. I know I'm under a tremendous amount of stress but, really, Panic Attacks???? Just one more thing. I'm not sure if this is going to subside but I sure hope it does.
I've been so irritable and moody. I just don't think that I have the strength to fight this much longer. I feel like, soon, I'll be in a straight jacket. Between the crying and stress and pain....
Don't get me wrong I will fight and carry on my family trait of strength. I will do my best to conquer this thing for my children. They deserve to have me in their lives.
My insurance company is declaring "Pre-existing" condition and refusing to pay the bills. What a load of crap. Like just what I need is more bills....just what we need.
How much needs to happen before we just give up.
My marriage is hanging on by a thread.... Who would expect a new marriage to survive this kind of diagnosis and all the new bills. I can see it on his face.... Stress....Tired.... How can I expect him to hang on when I don't even know the outcome. I love him so much but this is tearing at us bad.
I keep thinking there's something that I can do to fix our financial situation. Something I haven't thought of yet.... Everything just comes up blank....
I got the e-mail from the NIH. I will be going back again in April. This is both good and bad. I now need to do a fundraiser to get me there. We have no extra money and to add the expenses to that would just pull us further under. I can't not go... I need to go because they don't charge me and that's what I need.
I'm going to stop ranting and try to clean my house. I hope that helps my mood....
May 22, 2009
8 years ago