Friday, April 24, 2009

I have a phone interview today...

That's right!!!! I'm trying to go back to work. I'm nervous but happy. I hope my kids can handle being on their own. I really hope that we can get out of debt with this.
I have high hopes for the future as we all do. This summer I want to go on camping trip with my family and trips to the beach. We live so close yet so far away.
Wish me luck...I have a couple of other ventures that I'm trying to work out. I really do like being home but I need to get out into the world as well. I am hoping that this will help my mood.
I pray that I don't get headaches and such. I'm praying that this is something that I can do. I would really like to get into a company that understands the fact that I have to go to Maryland Twice a year and that I could be having surgery soon.
Keep your fingers crossed.....

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Happy Birthday to me!!!!

Today is my birthday. It's not a big deal except it's another notch on my list. The list of things I want to do before I die. Before I went into Brain surgery I had this list of things to look forward to and my birthday was one of them. Other things have been checked off that list as well (Christmas, Matt's birthday..etc).
Derek forgot it. My boys remembered though and so did numerous other people. I was sung to a lot and it was great.
My birthday to me represents the fact that I did it. I'm doing it!. I can beat this thing one birthday at a time. One milestone at a time. Take everything as it comes because tomorrow is just another step.
Things may not be perfect in my life but I do have wonderful people in it. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I love them so much.
Everyday is a new stepping stone....a different beginning...My life!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

OK.... Time to act like an adult again.

I vented yesterday and I guess I deserved it. I'm so tired of all of the bills and the fact that the government isn't helping the "little people". I've written a couple of letters to Obama and haven't even recieved an automated response. Boy did we chose the wrong president. I guess I can't complain too much. The government is funding the clinical study that I'm a part of. In fact if it doesn't get cut then they will do my next surgery.
I'm just so frustrated that my husband is working so hard and he has no money coming in. We had to "rob Peter to pay Paul" yesterday and I'm not sure its going to work because people are stealing my money. We are overdrawn and over-extended. I feel as if the Devil is using us as his personal pawn in life. He's not allowed but it sure feels like it. God can bring you to it and bring you through it but what about the things that God doesn't bring you to? I don't think that he would put this much on one person.
I feel as if I'm being tested to see how much I can take before I crack.
I tell you right now..... I'm past cracking... I'm done... If this is what God was waiting for then I'm here I'm cracking and it's time for him to carry me.

I have an Orientation tomorrow at the Employment department and I'm hoping they give me some help on re-training or schooling. We need the help and I need to find a new career.

I'm done venting. I do feel, that SSDI should have approved me but since they didn't what am I gonna do...lay down and Die!!!!! Not a chance....

Monday, April 20, 2009

Why does it have to be this hard?????

OK so we are trying to get caught up and money is just not meeting what we need it to. So, today in the mail shut off notices. I'm so sick of this. I'm trying but I can't fix this and I can't fix myself. Why does it have to be this hard?
I'm so tired of all the crap....Life sucks !

New Update!!!

Wednesday is my birthday Woopidy do!!!! I'm not excited because nothings going to happen. No cards, presents, cake..... My hubbies out of town. I sound pathetic don't I. It's not about all the gifts and stuff. I'm down because who is here to acknowledge it? Last year was the first time since my mom was alive that I had a birthday cake...Thanks to Derek and his Mom. It was wonderful. I liked it so much. I miss my mom. She always made our birthdays all about us. It felt good to have cake with the family and even blow out the candles....
Oh well, Life goes on.
I have an all day seminar on that day. So I will be busy. Hopefully they can help me re-train for another job, maybe in healthcare.
I'm back on anti-seizure meds. This is a good thing but now I'm having trouble completing thoughts and sentences. If this post sounds random and mixed up that's why...
The sun has been out now for three days. Saturday we went to the fountains and the kids ran through. Sunday we pulled weeds and grass and had a water fight. I love acting like a kid....
All in all things are OK...Just trying to find a way to pay the bills and keep up with day to day life.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Back in the Hospital....YUCK!

It was a great day here at the "White House" and we were all outside enjoying the weather. I was sitting on our bench and then it hit. I was seeing stars and then the double vision hit. I just felt weird. All I remember was my husband telling me to go lay down and nothing else. I made it to the couch, mumbling crazy incoherent (sp) things and don't even remember it. Derek was asking me some questions and I wasn't responding. The lights were on and no one was home. I just don't get it.....
He rushed me the the ER and low and behold I had another seizure.... My head was pounding so bad that I felt like my right eye was being squeezed with someones fist. They gave me a CT scan and called in my scans from Maryland. They also gave me Dillated and Benedryll and Zophran.
Well, I was released...(big surprise) and told to call my NS and see a PC....Hard to do with no insurance.... I am going to go to the County Health Department today to see about getting on the meds. I'm still waiting for the state to call me back and tell me if I can get approved on medical.
I know why this happened and I know that I am supposed to be on meds. I need to try to stay calm in the event of undo stress. Everytime I stress out I have one. It's horrible, but with all of the new stress it was bound to happen.

I think it's time that we all write e-mails to the President again. I'm so sick of scraping by and wondering why. We all need medical insurance and if we can't afford it this is supposed to be there for us. Why is it that our tax money and the relief money isn't going where it should. This country is falling apart and fast. Businesses going under and more people are homeless....Oregon has one of the Highest unemployment rates and they give us money to build a new bridge....claiming that it will create job...Big clue!!!!! Not all of us can do construction... What a joke. They also gave Oregon money to Dredge the Columbia river.... That isn't going to give me a chance at a job either. What a joke....
They say that for every job opening there are at least 100-200 applicants. College graduates are working at Mc Donalds. Why don't we worry less about what's going on in other countries and try to take care of our own.
Sorry to vent, I just hate the way the government is spending the "relief" money....

I'm doing OK now. I was in bed all day yesterday and still have a little headache today. Such is the life of a brain tumor patient.