Sunday, November 8, 2009

Hello Again!!!!

Well, I haven't been on here in quite a while. My life has been busy so let me start from where I left off....
I started working. I got a job at a local "do it yourself" warehouse. I love my job but it's hard work. I'm on my feet a lot and my knees and ankles hurt. Originally I was hired for seasonal employment but they decided to keep me and now I am working on the pack down team. I love my job and my co-workers but this job is taking everything out of me.
I went back east again to see my doctors. I had my scans and they found no new growth and no new tumors. They said I'm doing really well and to keep in touch with them when I'm not there. I did e-mail him this weekend because of major head pain on the left side along with stars and dizziness.... One would think that I could just deal with all of this but it's really starting to get to me.
I get up everyday and make my coffee, eat breakfast, shower, go to work, and come home and crash. If I try to add any more into my day I'm toast. I try to add some exercising into my day and I feel as if it's sending me backwards. I'm just trying to live a normal life but it's really starting to wear on me.
This whole disorder doesn't just affect me. My kids are worried all the time. It's getting really hard to hide the way that I'm feeling with them. Derek's not sure what to do. He tries to be understanding and supportive but I know it's wearing on him too.
Medications...what can I say about them. If I want to feel better and pain free then I'm a zombie....If I want to be awake and alert I'm in pain.... How do I win with this one?
I know that I should just be thankful and move forward, but I have this constant reminder in the form of pain that keeps holding me back. I've gained sooooooooo much weight is sickens me and I do have to look at myself everyday for that constant reminder.
I know I've been complaining in this entry but it's where I've been. I'm going to try each day to move a bit further ahead of this. Continue to smile and joke about this and love my family more everyday. I do have a lot to live for and that's what keeps me going.
The boys are doing great...and so is Derek. It's like we got on this roller coaster that won't stop climbing. Seems like we are stuck going up against a brick wall. Occasionally we hit the dip.....OK we hit the dip a lot but that brick wall keeps getting harder and harder to pass.
I do have to say that I am one of the lucky ones. I've only had one surgery and, although I complain a lot, my symptoms aren't as bad as others I know. I am blessed for that. I pray everyday for my friends who are going through this everyday. God dealt us this hand and it is he who will guide us through.

1 comment:

lesly said...

Hi ... glad that you are in a job but sorry to hear you are on The Roller-coaster. Know all about that because you are going through exactly the same as me! ... except that you had surgery and I had radiotherapy we could almost be talking about the same person.

Its all going to take time .. longer than we imagined I think. But hang in there, you are doing great. xx