Tuesday, July 15, 2008

New Day!

How scary to find out that some of your family members feel as if you are lying about this. Why should anyone have to prove themselves in a situation like this. I mean I would be more worried about the fact that "Hey this is now Genetic" and can be passed onto your children. Not "Oh they are just lesions and it's all in her head. Screw them! Screw them all!
Not very nice I know but that is the way I was feeling yesterday. I cried and was so pissed off. I mean my own family not believing me. My mom's best friend believing them. I'm so glad that she isn't here to see that. It wasn't like I was wanting everyone to fall down crying for me. Some support would have been nice.
Well, I have an incredible support system of family and friends left over. I have people coming out of the woodwork just to say hi and sending nice thoughts my way. That makes me feel good. It makes fighting this ugly thing worth while. Why would I lie about Brain Tumors? Who would do that?
Enough of that....
Wednesday I see my Neurologist to see how my anti-seizure meds are affecting me. The only downside I can see is I'm tired and I can handle that. On Monday I have a whole groupload of tests. MRI, CT scan and a Bone Scan. I will have injections and IV's and so much fun!!!! But, at least they are doing this on my day off and all at once. I would hate to have to keep going back. Now, back to the beginning....if I was faking all of this would I be having all of these tests???? Sorry, I just had to throw that one in.
Xanex is my friend on those days as my wonderful sister-in-law Laura will be driving me to this. She has missed work and re-arranged her busy schedule just for me. She gives great hugs as does my brother Scot. I don't know what I would do without them.
I am a little nervous about the test results. I am hoping that I can stay on Watch and Wait until next August (2009) until my short term disability kicks in. Watch and Wait is when the docs will keep monitoring your tumors for growth and determine when to start treatment. This would also allow me to spend more time with my boys as I'm really not ready for them to see me go through that kind of surgery.
On a lighter note....This is not a death sentence for me but the opposite. I chose to live and spend my days doing nothing or everything. I want to enjoy the smiles and laughter of my boys and watch the sunrise and set. I listened to the ocean for three hours the other day just mesmerized by it. I am living each day to the fullest and not looking back. To live is a gift and every ordinary moment is beautiful when seen through the eyes of the heart.

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