Ok....So I'm not as strong as I would like to be. I try. I want to be able to cry sometimes and shit, I am scared. Who wouldn't be. I am currently housing numerous foreign objects in my head and I don't want anything to do with it. I want it to just go away. I want to go back to normal.
I don't even think I know what is normal anymore.
My pitty party is over. I'm better. My boys and I are hanging out and making dinner. We are having weiner wraps and tator tots. mmmmmmmmmm How wonderful it is to be a kid.
Now, I know it really doesn't make a difference but I splurged and bought the Oscar Mayer Cheese dogs. We wrapped them in crossant dough and are currently baking them. My mouth is already watering.
In the background I can hear my boys. Timmy is playing with the dog and Matty is playing with his toy tank. Loud and annoying but such a beautiful sound. I love their smiles and hearing them laugh. Their hugs and kisses make me melt everytime.
I know I'm rambling and I should probably tell you why I had a Pitty party for one today. I saw Dr. Palla today and she was great. She is a straight shooter. The first time I saw her she scared the shit out of me. I'm not sure if it was her or the fact that she was saying TUMORS. Anyways, I was in shock. She is brutally honest and now I respect that. She answered so many of my questions and even told me that until we actually biopsy the tumors we don't really know what they are. Again, scared.... She also said it's time to start thinking about the genetic testing for the Neurofibromatosis type 2. This is the only explanation the doctors have for why I have so many tumors and leisions. This is hereditery....CRAP....One more thing I can pass on to my children. Again, Scared...this actually scared me even more than hearing that I had NF2 in the first place. No mother wants to give this or anything else like this to their children. Time to be Pro-active and start taking control of my own health and medical treatment. It is also time for me to make some serious changes in my life.
May 22, 2009
9 years ago