Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Wants and Wishes

I had all of my tests on Monday...WOW!!! what a day! MRI, CT and Bone scan. I didn't think you could actually be sore from those but I feel like I've been hit by a MAC truck. Life has sure thrown me a few twists and turns hasn't it. Well, here's how it went.
I had my tests and then called my NS the next morning just like I was supposed to. I must have been feeling a bit down with the added numbness and weakness and all over fatigue because I just off loaded on him. I told him that I was tired of being in the dark on this whole thing and I needed to know what the plan of action was for treatment. I told him what was going on with me and how my symptoms were increasing and how I was just plain tired of being tired. He read the Dr.'s report to me and the big "S" word came out....SURGERY. I'm not sure how I felt about that. In a way I'm relieved but also I'm scared shitless. After all this is my head we are talking about. I mean you can't live without it.....There is no transplant for it but I wonder if Julia Roberts would mind giving me hers.....Just kidding.
So, Thursday I see my NS about Surgery on one tumor and Treatment on the rest. I'm not sure what I will find out with the rest of the scans or what the full results will be but I know I'm in good hands and I know my mom is giving me strength.
Now I find myself wondering what is it that I want to achieve in life? What do I want in life? I have so many things that I haven't seen or done and I want to make a list so here goes....
1. Survive Brain Surgery
2. Own a House
3. Take that Honeymoon with Derek to Hawaii
4. Open my coffee shop cafe with my sister-in-law Laura
5. Watch my boys grow up
6. See my grand kids
7. Visit Michigan again
8. Hike Champion Lakes again just to say I did it....Uncle Jim here I come
9. Take 3 vacations a year....One family vacation to Idaho or Michigan ....One to Cali and One just me and my hubby
10. Plant a veggie garden in my own yard
11. grow grey hair only to dye it later
12. Go across country with Derek on the Truck

I could write this list forever and it would go on and on. I have so many places I want to see and so much I want to do. It's not an option to stop. So, right now I will put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on. Don't Look Back..... I'm Making Lemonade.... Life is now full of Possibilities...... Funny how it took a brain tumor to point that out to me....

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