The day is coming and I'm starting to get nervous. I know I'm tough and I think I'm just overly tired right now but I have a million thoughts going through my head. I hope I can find some peace with this soon. I think I will call the on call doc and see about getting something to help me sleep. I know that will help my mood some.
Peaceful meditation sounds wonderful to me. I think about the sounds of the ocean or a trickling stream and it does relax me. I'm trying to breath deep every time my heart starts racing. Derek went for a short walk with me last night and yesterday he pushed me a little to keep me busy. We washed, waxed and cleaned out the car. This usually wouldn't be a big deal except we own a lifted Sequoia and it's huge. I was pooped by the time we were done. After that I had to take my Steroid again and you guessed it......energy all over again.
Nothing worse than the feeling of having inner energy when your body is telling you NO!
The boys are with their dad this weekend and I am missing them like crazy. I wonder what they are really thinking about all of this. I am hoping that it doesn't make them grow up too fast. We are working on gathering school supplies and clothes and getting them ready for the first day. This will be the first year that I won't take them to the first day of school. I want someone to take pictures. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful children. They are my world and help to keep me young. I am going to try to take a picture into the operating room with me just for my own sake.
My thoughts on this whole thing.... I don't want a long dragged out recovery. I want to heal fast and good. I want to be better than new. I will do the best I can to make this happen. I don't want to be a burden on anyone but my support system is incredible. I have a wonderful husband who is putting up with my mood swings right now and a fabulous family who is going to come visit in shifts to help take care of me. My oldest brother said that he could work his vacations around it as well. Maybe I could recover at his house for a while for a change of scenery.... I really don't want to be stuck in this house day in and day out only to leave to see the docs....
OK, so the rambling we can chalk up to the Steroids. This is what they do. My thoughts are scrambled and jumbled but if I don't get them down they scramble my head. This is all a part of the journey I am on.
I didn't chose this Journey it just showed up one day. I had a choice to freak out, lay down and die or fight it. Guess what? I'm a fighter. I will not take this as the end but as a new beginning for me and my family. The sky is the limit and this is just another speed bump or maybe a triple hurdle for me to cross. I may have flat tires or broken legs but I will make it over the humps.
May 22, 2009
9 years ago