So, yes it falls from your tongue and it doesn't stop. At least it doesn't from mine. I guess with all that is going on in my life I feel that if I have something to say I just say it.
My brother Kevin came by last night and saw the new house. He hung out for so long and it was nice. I am trying to surround myself with positivity and it's hard because I think that I did something to a friend (I think I know what it was) not to hurt her or make her mad but I did it. Word vomit. I was pissed off at my situation and took it out on someone else....Not cool! Not right. I hope she forgives me.
Right now my nerves are shot. 4 days to surgery. I will be recovering this time next week. I have so many fears and yet I have so many wants. I'm trying to stay busy and keep moving which isn't hard considering all that we have to do to get this house in order. I need to put clothes away today and try to get pictures on the walls. I have people coming over on Saturday and I want at least a pathway through the house. I just don't know what to do first.
My niece Kayla spent the night last night and is sleeping in my moms chair. She is so cute and her smile brightens the room. She loves to help me out and keeps me motivated to keep moving. Derek is on a mission to fix everything and anything he can in this house. He installed ceiling fans and light fixtures and fixed the garage door. He even fixed my mom's chair so the leg won't fall off. I think his nerves are setting in too. If he keeps moving then there's no time to think too much about everything else. I know all about that.
They are going to either cut an 18" incision that wraps around my ear or two 8" and one 4" incision depending on what happens and the best plan when they get in there. They are only shaving strips of my hair so a comb over is what I will have when it's done. Not a problem. My hair grows fast and there's a lot of it.
My friends and family are being great right now. Everyone is jumping in and helping us out with everything. I have a guarding angel who's words and voice over the phone calm me and put me back in a good place. He knows who he is and will always be my family. He is in our hearts everyday. Pay if Forward is his motto and should be everyone elses. He called yesterday and right at a perfect time. I was on the verge of crying again and he just calmed me down. He reminded me that, YES I CAN DO THIS! Yes I can. We all need a good kick in the ass from time to time to remind us that everything is possible.
I will continue to write. I hope that everything goes smoothly and that I'm able to be back home soon and recover.
May 22, 2009
9 years ago