I've been amazingly calm which is really weird for me. I'm the freak out queen. I do have a million thoughts going through my head but not sure what to think about them yet. The steroids keep me from sleeping and cause me to be emotional both sad and angry....moody to say the least.
My changed game plan is that I'm sticking with my Neurosurgeon Dr. Antezana. He is conferring with two colleagues about the best way to attack and evict my unwanted tumors. They are growing and causing problems and I need to take care of this soon. I like the fact that he is working so diligently to correct this and provide me with the very best care available. His words not mine. He is going to make sure that I am taken care of and receive the best medical treatment possible. I like that idea.
I am still worried about my boys and their reaction to this whole situation. I don't think it's going to be real for them until it actually happens. I am also worried about Derek. He is trying to be so strong. He is my rock. Who is going to be there for him to help him through this emotional roller coaster. He wants me to concentrate only on getting better. He wants me to only worry about me. I know he means well. I am who I am and I am worried about everyone else as well as me.
Everything is going to be OK. I have a lot to learn about life and this whole crazy path I am on. Jesus has taken the wheel at this point and my mom is giving me strength. My hands are in the air and life is giving me a second chance to excel. To explore all that it has to offer. To live, love, laugh and everything in between. I will smell the flowers and play tag with my boys again. I will enjoy the sunrises and sunsets and listen to the ocean again. I will learn all that I can and maybe write a book when I'm done. Heck, maybe I'll go back to school and become a medical assistant to a Neurosurgeon. It could happen. I can make that happen. I'm being given a second chance to live this life I have and I'm going to live it to the fullest.
Good News!!!! My hubby is home in 3 days!!!!! :)
May 22, 2009
8 years ago