Friday, August 8, 2008

Tweaking across the USA!!!!!

OK! So, I'm not traveling across the USA yet but I feel like it. These damn steroids have me up and down and every which way. I can't seem to say or do anything right. I'm surprised Derek is still here. He is putting up with my "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" routine that I can't even control. I'm in here somewhere but just can't find me. I need some Xanex now.....
I was trying to talk with my family last night and couldn't even do that. I would never make a good drug addict. I don't see why anyone would ever want to feel this way on purpose. This is absolutely ridiculous. I'm shaky and nervous. I can't sleep amongst other things. No one wants to be around me, not even my kids. I cry and yell and snap and the drop of a dime. What the HELL!!!!!
I'm trying to release because I need to find a way to get this to slow down. I know I don't feel comfortable walking by myself but today I have to. I am going to walk till my legs won't move anymore. I am going to try to get all of this extra energy out of my system and hopefully get myself better before I get to go out this weekend. Derek, Scot, Laura and a couple of other people said we get to go to Edgefield for drinks. Now, I don't care for drinking anyways I just want to go hang out and have some fun. Get out of the house and try to relax and let lose.
I know this one is a ramble. It's my Steroid Jumble....I could invent a new dance on this one.
Surgery is being scheduled for the end of the month and recovery shortly after that if I have anything to say about it. They want to do one more scan before they do the surgery so they might be taking out 5 tumors instead of 4. More spring cleaning.....
My Prayer for today:
God give me strength to curb this over activeness that I am feeling from the meds. Help my moods and help me to find peace in this situation. Please help give Derek strength as he has everything on his shoulders now. Help him to ignore my attacks as they aren't me and help me not to attack him. Give my family the strength and courage to be strong and positive through all of this and to help me stay the same. A-men

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