Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Surgery Date

My surgery is set for Monday August 25th at 6:15am. I had my Pre-Op appointment today and I'm just a bit overwhelmed. I mean this is something that can make me def and cause paralysis and loss of speech. This can also kill me if I don't take care of it. He talked about 18" incisions and stints to relieve pressure and catheters and ICU. He told me I'd feel like a got into a fight with a MAC truck and won. I kinda laughed at that part.
My brother gave me the biggest hug and I could just tell that everything is going to be OK. He is so strong. So, why am I so scared? Why the HELL does this have to happen to me and my family? What did we do to deserve this? What does anyone do to deserve this?

OK so I'm done I think. I'm just so emotionally gone right now. I really don't know which way is up and I'm not even sure how to walk or talk. I keep saying the wrong things and I don't mean to. I really just want to say that I am going to make it through. I know it's going to be hard but this isn't going to stop me. Throw another mountain in my way and I will conquer it. My flag will be at the top saying "Kiss my ass is this all you've got?"

My Mom is with me. I felt her today. I know how she felt when she was going through everything she went through. I had a feeling for a split second of hopelessness and then like an instant she was there holding me. That which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.... I'm Fricken Superwoman....don't you forget it....

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